Going Viral

So, over the past couple of years there's been a lot of people getting phone calls from somebody claiming to be a Microsoft engineer, and that they've detected a virus on their computer so they need to allow them to fix it. Clearly it is a scam, with the overall objective being to get money out of you somehow (usually either accessing your computer remotely whilst you provide card/banking details, or by encouraging you to purchase software from the caller). The rumour/urban-legend website Snopes.com has a write-up on this particular scam for anyone interested in reading more about it.

For quite a while I have only heard other people's stories about receiving these calls, but haven't received one myself. However, this week I got one of these calls whilst at work in the pet shop (hence why it is getting posted here). The caller had an Indian accent, and it sounded like he was phoning over the Internet because the line was particularly bad. Sadly, I did not have the organisational skills and planning to get ready for this phone call, therefore had no software running to record the call. There are plenty of videos on YouTube where people have recorded the call: sometimes just for the purposes of warning people about the scam, and sometimes because the receiver wants to mess around a little themselves :) Unfortunately, all I can offer is a from-memory transcript:

 "Hello. I am calling from Microsoft's computer maintenance department. We have detected possible viruses on your computer. We will put you through to a trained Microsoft engineer who can help you with this problem."
 - Okay
 "Do you have a computer with Microsoft Windows XP, Vista, or 7 installed?"
 - Yes, yes I do.
 "Are you in front of that computer right now?"
 - Yes, yes I am.
 "Okay. Do one thing for me. Close down any programmes you are running."

Those few words, 'Do one thing for me', became extremely annoying as the conversation continued. At one point I just wanted to shout, 'YOU SAID DO ONE THING! I'VE DONE LOADS OF THINGS!'

 - Okay
 "Have you done that?"
 - Yes.
 "Okay. Do one thing for me." (grrrr) "In the bottom left corner of the screen, can you see a button with the four-flag Windows logo and the word 'Start'?"
 - No
 "Please look in the bottom left corner of the screen."
 - Okay
 "Can you see the four-flag Windows logo?"
 - No
 "Please tell me where you are looking"
 - In the bottom left of the screen
 "Have you closed all programmes down?"
 - Yes
 "Tell me, what do you see on your screen?"
 - I see, C:\> and a blinking cursor.

I was tempted to suggest that I was using a Mac, but knew that the phone call would end very quickly so, yes, I instead said I was looking at a DOS screen.

There was a pause.

 "Tell me, are you using a Windows PC?"
 - Yes
 "Do one thing. Restart your computer and tell me when you see the desktop."

I made the caller wait for a while whilst I pretended to restart the computer.

 - Okay, it has loaded.
 "Do one thing for me. Can you see the four-flag Windows logo in the bottom left corner of the screen?"
 - Yes! Yes, I can.
 "Do one thing for me. Make one single left click on it. Tell me, what do you see?"
 - A menu!
 "Tell me, do you see the word 'Computer' or the words 'My Computer' on the menu?
 - Yes, I do.
 "Which? 'Computer' or 'My Computer'?"
 - My Computer
 "Okay, do one thing for me. Make one single right click on 'My Computer'."
 - Okay
 "Tell me. What do you see?"
 - A menu has popped up.
 "Okay. Do one thing for me. Make on single left click on 'Manage' on the menu."

He then guided me into Event Viewer and asked me to scroll all the way down through the logs looking for any red circles or yellow triangles. These are fairly normal on a Windows PC, and can refer to anything from missing drivers, old registry entries, programmes closing down unexpectedly, etc. Even a brand new PC is likely to have some and it isn't necessarily anything to worry about.

 "Do you see any red circles or yellow triangles?"

Clearly, I could (as would 99.9% of anybody else taking a look on their own computer), but I decided to lie.

 - No
 "Please scroll all the way down to the bottom, slowly. Tell me, do you see red circles or yellow triangles?"
 - No. All I see are white speech bubbles with a blue letter I in them.
 "Have you scrolled to the bottom slowly?"
 - Yes.

 I was then guided into another section of the event logs, and again asked to scroll through them all. I continued to say that I saw no error or warning symbols, but the caller was equally persistent.

 "Please scroll again to the bottom of the screen. Tell me, do you see any red circles of yellow triangles?"

I was then cut off. I thought that was the end of it.

Then he called back, asking the same question again. I decided to give in.

 - Yes! Yes I do!
 "Tell me, how many do you see roughly?"
 - Oh, maybe a dozen.
 "How many?"
 - A dozen.
 "How many?"
 - A dozen.
 "How many do you see?"
 - I see a dozen
 "How many red circles or triangles?"
 - ... I see twelve.
 "Oh, that is a lot. Do you have any idea what these might mean?"

I had a feeling I was about to be told.

 - I guess they are just some kind of error on my computer
 "These are all errors on your computer. Viruses, malware, and attacks when you are using the internet. Some will show files being stolen from your computer, or downloads that you don't know about."
 - I see.
 "Tell me. Do you notice your computer getting slower?"
 - Yes. I do. It is very slow.
 "That is because of these errors. Okay, I can fix this for you. I am a trained Microsoft knowledge engineer. This is perfectly normal and legal."

I raised a smile at this point. Thank goodness he said it was legal, I was worried for a moment.

 "Please close down all programmes."
 - Okay
 "Now, look on your keyboard. Do you see a button on the bottom left that says 'Ctrl'."
 - Yes
 "Next to that, is there a button with the four-flag Windows logo on it?"
 - Yes, yes there is.
 "Okay. Do one thing for me. With one hand, press the key with the four-flag Windows logo on it, and do not let go."
 - Okay
 "With your other hand, press the R key. That is R for Romeo. Have you done that?"
 - No. I can't.
 "Why not?"
 - I'll drop the phone if I use both hands.

 A pause...

 "Do one thing. With one finger, press and hold the four-flag Windows key. With another finger, press the R key."

 The Run box popped up, as expected. I was then instructed to type a web address into the run box and press 'Ok'. It took me to http://www.ammyy.com, a website for remote-access software. A relatively safe piece of software, as long as you are only letting trusted individuals access your computer for good reason (i.e. not a random telephone caller).

The caller asked me to download the free software, and let him know what I could see. The website clearly stated that administration rights were not required for installation.

 - It says I need administration rights for installation.
 "Pardon? Tell me, what do you see?"
 - It says I cannot install this software. I do not have administration rights.

A few seconds passed, then the conversation continued except with a new voice. I'm guessing I was passed over to somebody else.

 "What do you see?"
 - A box says I need administration rights to install this software.
 "Are you logged in as the administrator?"
 - I'm logged in as Christopher
 "Are you using an administrator account?"
 - I'm using my account. It said 'Christopher'. That's me. I clicked it.
 "Is this your computer?"
 - Yes. It's mine.
 "Is the account you are using, an administrator account."
 - It's my account.

This repetitive questioning went on for a bit until I was handed over to yet another person.

 "Tell me. What do you see?"

I gave in...

 - I see the Ammyy icon on my desktop. The software has installed.
 "Okay. Please double click the icon and tell me what you see."

I hadn't actually even downloaded the software, never mind installed it. I quickly went to the website and, fortunately, they had a page with programme screenshots.

 - It says Ammyy Admin. And has a lot of numbers.
 "Okay, do you see the words 'Your ID'?"
 - Yes
 "Please tell me the number beneath that."

The screenshots only show a sample ID number of '123'. Obviously this wasn't going to be a valid ID so I quickly made one up.

 - 4, 2, 5, 7, 6, 3
 "Is that 425763?"
 - Yes
 "The ID number should be a seven-digit number. You have given me a six-digit number."

Dammit!

 - Oh, sorry. There's a zero at the end. It's 4, 2, 5, 7, 6, 3, 0."
 "Okay, just one moment. I will pass your ID number to our Microsoft advisor."
 - Okay, I'll wait.
 "I'm sorry. That is not a valid ID number. Please tell me again what the number is."
 - 4, 2, 5, 7, 6, 3, 0
 "That is not valid. Is your number 4, 3, 5, 7, 6, 3, 0?"
 - Uh... yeah! It's a three, not a two, sorry.
 "Just one moment whilst I pass your ID number to our Microsoft advisor."

I waited a moment. Again, a new person came onto the phone.

"The ID number you gave us is false."
- Oh, well, I don't know. I'm just reading the one that...
"Are you joking with me?"
- Pardon?
"Are you making a joke with me?"

I pretended to be confused and hurt by this accusation.

- No! I'm just reading the number you've told me to read.
"You are making a joke! Why are you wasting my time?"

Oh, the irony.

- I'm not. I'm just doing what you've told me.
"If you don't want your computer fixed, I'll just hang up."
- No, please, I want it fixed.
"You are wasting our time. We are just trying to help you fix your Microsoft Windows PC."
- Yes. Please fix it for me.
"You are giving us pretend ID to joke with us."
- No. I am reading what it says. I don't understand. I just want you to help me. Please help me.
"I am hanging up now."
- Please don't.
"I shall now hang up."
- ...
"I am going now, goodbye. We tried to help you."
- Please help
"Goodbye"

At thus the call ended.

I guess I find it amusing that a person calling from a 'company' that is trying to scam people out of money, ends up accusing me of wasting their time.

Go The Distance

Of all the birds we sell, the cheapest has always been the zebra finch. These birds, originally from Australia, breed so easily and so reliably that people often have to give them away because they get overrun with them. For several years they were just £4 each. Last year, we put them up to the dizzying heights of £5 each. This was simply because the cost of the seed (and, therefore, the cost of keeping the birds) had gone up so much. They are still by far the cheapest bird to buy and keep.

"How much are your zebra finches?"
- Five pounds each.
"Oh. That's a little more than I was hoping to pay."
- Oh I see. Well, you might struggle to find them cheaper in any other shops. Five pounds is fairly standard and, to be honest, we've seen then at eight or even ten pounds each in some places.
"I've been offered them for three pounds each."
- From a private seller?
"Yes."
- Oh well, that's fair enough. Buying privately is often cheaper.
"Yeah, I'm probably going to buy three pairs. So I'll save myself over ten pounds."
- Yes, that's true. There are a lot of people that do keep zebra finches around here so buying privately and locally isn't too much of a challenge.
"No, couldn't find anyone that has got any around here."
- Really? A lot of people do keep and breed them. They're very common.
"Nah, nobody has got away. But I found someone in Cornwall that has some. So that's where I'm getting those pairs."
- In Cornwall?
"Yeah."
- Are you going down there on holiday?
"No, just going to drive there to get these birds and then ciome straight back."
- Just for the birds?
"Yes"

Cornwall is about 300 miles away from us. Anywhere between perhaps £50 and £70 in fuel... for each direction.

- That's a long way to go just for those birds.
"Yeah, but I'm going to save myself at least ten pounds, the breeder is selling them cheaper than you, remember?"
- Uh, yeah, but the journey is going to cost you quite a lot.
"Yes. But the birds are cheaper."
- Right. Okay.

Sometimes, it isn't worth trying to explain.

Hydration

Very occasionally, a water bottle on a cage may become empty before we've had a chance to top it up. This is usually because it has cracked or leaked whilst we've been out of the room, and so has emptied by the time we've returned. It's a rare occurrence and we provide multiple bottles to ensure that there is still a water source for the birds inside the cage.

Sometimes customers spot the empty bottle. And sometimes, they get things wrong.

"Excuse me."

- Yes?

"Some of your birds have no water at all."

- Oh, has a bottle emptied?

"They have no water!"

- Okay, I will fill it up now. It is probably broken and needs replacing. There will be another bottle there for them.

"No! They don't have any water at all. I think it's disgusting."

- Okay, well, there's also likely to be a water dish inside the cage as well as the bottles. We'd never leave them without water.

"Well, this time you have. They have no water at all."

I take a deep breath at this point. Then...

- Would you mind showing me the cage?

Off the customer marches into the bird-room, walks half way along the cage, turns to me, and points.

"That one!"

I look at it, do my very best not to roll my eyes, and then also point.

- That one there?

"Yes! That one. You see?!"

The customer is looking very smug at this point. Clearly, she's happy to be able to prove that I am wrong, and that she has caught me out for neglecting our birds.

"I told you! They have nothing at all. There are no bottles on the cage, no dish in the cage, no water in the cage."

- And no birds in the cage.

"What?"

- No birds. No birds in the cage. It's an empty cage. There are no water bottles because there's nothing to give water to.

She looks inside, searching the corners in desperation, probably in the hope that maybe I am wrong and she hasn't just made a stupid mistake.

"Oh."

Backseat Nomming

One of our regular customers (featured in a previous post) comes in almost every weekend, usually on a Saturday, and has done for probably the past five years or more. He tends to look around at the birds we have, ask a few questions, and occasionally buy some seed or perhaps a budgie. Then off he goes.

Until a few months ago I assumed that he just went home, but then I started to notice that his car would remain outside the shop for quite some time. Taking a little peek out of the window, I couldn't see him sitting in the driver's seat so wondered where he'd gone. Unfortunately, any further detective work was halted by other customers.

A week later he was back, and the same thing happened: he left the building, but the car remained. By chance, another customer required some help with carrying sacks to his car, so I was able to go outside into the car park. The chap was walking around his car with a carrier-bag, and looking in his car-boot. As I returned, he was opening all the doors. 

Over the course of the next two or three weeks, I managed to discover his ritual:

He would visit us, make any require purchase, then go back outside. He'd then open up all the doors of the car, take a carrier bag out of his boot, close all the doors again, and then get back into the car... but in the back seat. He'd then sit there alone in the car, in the back, reach into the carrier bag for a sandwich, and then  sit there eating it... for about three quarters of an hour.

And that's what he does pretty much every week. It shouldn't bother me at all really. I mean, it's not causing any problem or harm to anybody else. But there's something a little odd about the fact that he gets in the back to eat it.

There has been one week, and one week only, when this little ritual altered. He left the shop, got in his car, and left. My colleague and I were astonished and could only assume that he'd forgotten his sandwich. About ten minutes later I had to take a short drive up the road and, as I passed a layby just around the corner from the shop, I saw the customer's car parked there. Sure enough, he was sitting in the back eating his sandwich.

Maybe he just wanted a change of scenery?

Decision Making

There are many times when parents come into the shop to take a look at - for instance - the rabbits, because they are interested in buying one 'for' their child. More often than not, the father will stand to one side whilst the mother takes a look at them all, handles a few, and exclaims how much she likes particular ones. They then usually say something along the lines of:

"Okay, thanks for your help. It is actually a present for our daughter, so I think it would better if we brought her along to choose for herself. We'll come back tomorrow."

And off they go.

They return the following day, child in tow, and go through the process again of looking at all the rabbits and commenting on how cute each one is. Eventually, the time will come to make a decision.

"So, would you like to take one home?"
"Really, mum?!"
"Yes! It's your birthday present."
"Wow! Which one?"
"You choose. It will be your rabbit."
"Oh! I really like the black one. I want that one."

And then the mother will say (and this is rather predictable now, after working in the trade a few years):

"Are you sure you don't like that little brown one?"

And so begins a to-and-fro where, although the child has been told she can choose her own rabbit, the mother actually prefers a different one and does her very best to convince her daughter to change her mind.

"Look at how cute it is... look at that beautiful colour... look at those big eyes... that other one is a bit plain... this one seems so friendly... this one is gorgeous... how about this one?... how about THIS one?... HOW ABOUT THIS ONE?"

The lesson here is: choose the rabbit yourself and don't involve your child if, actually, there's a chance you won't like the decision.

I Think We Know

About four years ago we moved business to our present location. We only moved about half a mile, but it was both a necessary and positive move. The building we now occupy had been empty for approximately five years and, prior to its desertion, used to be a farm shop. Many of our customers have lived in the area for quite some time and occasionally comment that they, "remember when you could come here for sacks of potatoes!". A select few have trouble pinpointing when this was though:

"This used to be a farm shop, didn't it?"

- Yes, that's right. It closed a while back, there is another one around the corner now though.

"Can't have been gone for very long."

- Well, we've been four years.

"I don't think so."

- Um, yes. Our lease was renewed recently so we've been here four years now.

"No, can't be."

- Well, er, it is.

"I only came here last year and got myself some apples."

- It was probably the other shop, just up the road. That's been there a while now.

"No, it was definitely here. Did you used to sell apples as well?"

- No, just pet food. There hasn't been a farm shop here for a while.

"Four years you say?"

- Yeah, we've been here four years.

"I guess it could have been four years since I was last here. Doesn't seem that long."

- Well, actually, this building hasn't been a farm shop for more like eight years.

"Yes it has. Four years ago, maybe, but I've definitely been here in the last eight years."

- Well, I only moved here permanently about eight years ago. And it was an empty building when I moved here. I believe it closed down not long before I got here.

"I think you've got your dates mixed up. In fact, now I think about it, I'm certain I was here last year. You must be mistaken."

Yes. That's right. I'm mistaken. I guess I better ask the landlord to return the previous three year's rent we've been paying, considering we apparently weren't even using the building...

Higher Than High

During a phone call when there is some discrepancy:

"Hmm... okay, could I possibly speak to the person in charge?"
- Yep, that's me.
"No, I mean, could I speak to the manager."
- Yes, I am the manager.
"No, the person in charge... the guy that runs the place."
- You are speaking to him.
"No I'm not, I'm speaking to you."
- I am him. I am the manager, the owner, the person in charge.

There is an audible sigh. And then...

"Okay. Look... I want to speak to the boss."
- I. Am. The. Boss.
"This is ridiculous."
- I am the owner and manager. I am as high as you can go.
"Oh for goodness' sake. I'll just come down and visit. Let him know I'm coming. Goodbye."
- Goodbye.

Yes. I will let myself know...